Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
