Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
