so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
