I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Michael Bay diarrhea
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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