FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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