Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
