you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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