Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
