just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
