hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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