I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
