He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
