the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You smell like a Billy Joel song
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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