eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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