gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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