So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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