Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
