The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
