Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
