Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
