ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
