All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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