oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
