i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just sent this text using only my big toe
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize