i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
