I wish I could teleport
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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