He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
