everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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