grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just had sex bonerless
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
sex in a hospital.. check
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
