hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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