Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
