I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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