I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
