I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
