i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
