i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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