i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
