Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
