You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there was a trapeze. enough said
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize