Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
