I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
