When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
