can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I look better un-naked...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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