he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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