Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
