i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
