Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
