now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
