i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
