i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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