i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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