my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
