smell my finger.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
