no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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