I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
