I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
