Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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