is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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