I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
