I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
