I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
