i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
