Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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