what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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